Thursday, August 17, 2017

Echo #1 : Words.

I have your words echo in my head everyday. Thinking about it becomes a daily thing I do. My brain just puts it in the "background processing mode" so that I can (hopefully) still function as a normal human being.

I don't know how someone can love so deeply, gets rejected, move on, and then love again. If one unrequited love feels this bad, how does divorcing 9x feel like? How does being left at the altar feels like? Love sounds more and more like this dangerous game to me.

Does time actually heals? If so, how? Or do you just learn how to live with the pain?

Do you hate me? If so, how much? tell me.
Do you?
Do you?
Do you?

I'm tired of waiting, but I don't want to stop. I kind of know it is pointless and such a waste of time, but can I at least try? It really is up to me, so why am I constantly seeking validations from people? What kind of answer am I trying to get, really?

I've never been the best at letting go.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Can we start over?


Echo is a series of posts containing my thoughts that I can't really turn into paragraphs. Not necessarily a result of contemplation, just something that I can't get off of my head. Does writing about it actually helps?

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Believe Me, I've Tried.

Saya ingin benci, tapi tidak bisa.

Saya ingin benci kamu karena kamu selalu buat saya terjaga tiap malam.
Tapi tidak bisa.
Karena kamu juga yang buat saya semangat jalani hari.
Setiapnya satu hari lebih dekat untuk bertemu denganmu.

Saya ingin benci kamu karena kamu jarang mengabari saya.
Tapi tidak bisa.
Karena kamu, saya terus berusaha dekat denganNya.
Menyelipkan namamu dalam doa.

Saya ingin benci kamu karena kamu selalu sibuk.
Tapi tidak bisa.
Justru kamu yang memaksa saya mengisi hari-hari saya dengan kegiatan yang produktif.
At least, it took my mind away from you for a while.

Saya ingin benci kamu karena sepertinya kamu mempermainkan perasaan saya.
Tapi tidak bisa.
Karena saya tahu betul, rindu saya bukan tanggung jawabmu.

Saya ingin benci kamu karena paling tidak untuk sekarang kamu terlihat sangat sempurna.
Tapi saya tidak bisa memilikimu.
Kata orang cinta tidak harus memiliki,
Tapi siapa yang tidak ingin memiliki apa-apa yang mereka cintai?

Saya ingin benci kamu jadi saya tidak perlu menangisi yang tak perlu setiap malam.
Tapi tidak bisa.
Jika saya membencimu, apa yang akan membuat saya tersenyum setiap harinya?

Saya ingin benci kamu.
Tapi kamu malah buat saya makin cinta.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Rindu

Saya rindu. Tapi mau bilang pada siapa? Tuhan? Mungkin sekarang Dia sedang murka atas kerinduan saya sampai Dia berikan pedihnya pengharapan pada hamba-Nya ini.

Saya rindu. Tapi mau bilang siapa? Teman dekatmu yang bahkan tak kukenal itu? Peduli apa dia? Sekadar menyampaikan salam, tak mengurangi rasa. 

Saya rindu. Tapi mau bilang pada siapa? Barisan penonton yang setia menyorakimu? Bagi mereka, kamu cuma salah satu peserta. Bagi saya, kamu juaranya. 

Saya rindu. Tapi mau bilang pada siapa? Teman-temanku yang sudah bahagia itu? Ah sudahlah, ada ratusan hal penting dalam daftar mereka dibanding sekadar perasaan saya. 

Saya rindu. Tapi mau bilang siapa?
Kamu yang ada disana, yang sedang tertawa bahagia? 
Ah sudahlah. Apa artinya air mata. Toh berapapun yang kuteteskan tak membawaku lebih dekat denganmu. 

Saya rindu. Tapi mungkin saya harus tau diri. Banyak yang lebih butuh kamu dibanding saya. Meski dirimu bukan sesuatu yang dengan senang hati kubagi. 

Saya rindu. Entah sampai kapan.
Saya rindu. Entah apa akan terbalaskan. 
Saya rindu. 

Are you feeling it too?

Friday, July 28, 2017

Photo Journal : Heart And Soul

Been loving this old song by Bea Wain called Heart And Soul. Please listen to it while scrolling through the photographs taken by yours truly :)
















Kelvin here,
signing off.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Photo Journal : The Playground and The Tennis Court

Find myself getting more interested in portrait photography more than ever! The art of capturing someone's essence in a single photo is very addictive (not saying that I am a pro. Heck, I'm not even sure if I have ever done that before.) I was very lucky because one of my senior back at high school and volunteering days was kind enough to let me take pictures of her! Her name is Dwike and I always admire her passion in community service and social work. She is also very energetic almost every time I meet her (don't know how she manages to do that.) She's just an all around fun girl to be with~

So I guess what better way to show that than a photoshoot at a playground? And that's exactly what we did! (though later we also took a few shots at the tennis court nearby.) As usual, constructive criticism is very welcomed! :)












AAAANNDDD FOR THE LAST PICTURE:


HAHAHA. you know, being a (self-proclaimed) photographer, you don't always get your picture taken a lot. It's usually the other way. And I guess the sun and the light are very beautiful that I just need to have at least one picture 😛

Anyway, this is not all of the picture we have taken. I figure that it would be very weird to have one super long post full of pictures so do wait for part 2! (also still trying to figure out how to make picture slideshows for the blog.)

After the photoshoot, we had a very late lunch at Noodle Inc. It was v good :) (partly because I didn't pay for it. But I promise I'll pay you back ASAP Mbak Ke!!)

See you on the next post!

Kelvin here,

Signing off.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Quote of The Day

"Never regret love, darlings. No matter how blind, it improved your vision. No matter how foolish, it made you wiser. And no matter how generous, it made your more."

-Nicoline Patricia Malina